The only thing wrong with my ipad need a hand writing recognizer that will work on twitter facebook and blogger lol
Spent an hour today planning the very first photo albumn of belle, she is three, ths is the albumn of her birth and hospital stay, hope i can consolidate the years into one, but if this is evidence, doesnt look good! Looks like or we have 100s of albumns or i give up
This is why i have problems with creative projects, i dont have a sense of just enough!
I either dissect it to minutia to achieve perfection or slap it together in a fit of frustration or just never start.
Like this blog, feel like if i dont have a lot of interesting sruff to say why botherbut i cant seem to keep track of the bits of stuff!
At least last of xmas s put away
And the indoor plants r all repotted
Want to still
Paint dining and kitchen and ceilings
Paint living
Floor in toilet downstairs
(these r only the diy projects) lots more to farm out to highly paid professionals :)
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Friday, August 20, 2010
My Belle
I have been remiss. I have missed the opportunity to write down so many things that Belle has done or said, of things I have thought or wanted to remember or for her to remember.
Belle is having a hard time right now, she misses me. I am doing this by myself, and I am doing the best I can, and she misses me when I go to work. She is finally able to put her self to sleep for her naps and her bedtime, without nursing and without me laying beside her, whcih is an amazing accomplishment. But she misses me.
one of the reasons that i chose to co-sleep and i chose to nurse her has she got older, was because I do know that the hours I have to be away from her have an effect, and I wanted to keep our bond as close as possible in the hours we do have together. However, it was getting to the point that we were waking each other up too often in the night, that neither of us were getting a good night sleep, and it didnt appear as if these nights were leading to her being energized from lots of mama time, but more like, the neediness for mama was increased. that and the fact that I have a difficult time to get everything done in my life when I am going to bed with her at 2000. Did I make a mistake? what am I doing with the extra time? I do know that I dont appear to have the morning hours anymore. as she inevitably wakes up before me and wants to start nursing much earlier than before. are those hours in the evening worth this? And what am I doing with them? working?
I certainly dont want to go back to the time and place where she cant go to sleep without me and without nursing to sleep. but i wonder if i wasnt a bit healthier to go tosleep with her and then wake up extra early for some alone time, rather than doing it in the evening.
and how about co-sleeping? how is it that we cant seem to do that without waking each other up. I know now, she wakes up and wants me to pat her in her bed and that if she wakes up and i dont have my hands on her, then she really wakes up. would it be better if when i come to bed, i took her into bed with me? or if when she wakes up the first time, i took her into bed with me? Or, if i put her down in my bed to start with? She isnt ready it appears to sleep alone, others are saying, give her her own room. but what if that just terrifies her? as it is, she doesnt cry when I put her down, but her eyes well up as she says good night, she misses me.
what is the answer?
belle, when you ever read this... i want you to know, i am doing the best i can, and what i think is the best for yuo. i want you to be healthy and happy and well adjusted. and i am so afraid if you dont get good sleep, that that will impede all three of those wants I have for you.
Belle is having a hard time right now, she misses me. I am doing this by myself, and I am doing the best I can, and she misses me when I go to work. She is finally able to put her self to sleep for her naps and her bedtime, without nursing and without me laying beside her, whcih is an amazing accomplishment. But she misses me.
one of the reasons that i chose to co-sleep and i chose to nurse her has she got older, was because I do know that the hours I have to be away from her have an effect, and I wanted to keep our bond as close as possible in the hours we do have together. However, it was getting to the point that we were waking each other up too often in the night, that neither of us were getting a good night sleep, and it didnt appear as if these nights were leading to her being energized from lots of mama time, but more like, the neediness for mama was increased. that and the fact that I have a difficult time to get everything done in my life when I am going to bed with her at 2000. Did I make a mistake? what am I doing with the extra time? I do know that I dont appear to have the morning hours anymore. as she inevitably wakes up before me and wants to start nursing much earlier than before. are those hours in the evening worth this? And what am I doing with them? working?
I certainly dont want to go back to the time and place where she cant go to sleep without me and without nursing to sleep. but i wonder if i wasnt a bit healthier to go tosleep with her and then wake up extra early for some alone time, rather than doing it in the evening.
and how about co-sleeping? how is it that we cant seem to do that without waking each other up. I know now, she wakes up and wants me to pat her in her bed and that if she wakes up and i dont have my hands on her, then she really wakes up. would it be better if when i come to bed, i took her into bed with me? or if when she wakes up the first time, i took her into bed with me? Or, if i put her down in my bed to start with? She isnt ready it appears to sleep alone, others are saying, give her her own room. but what if that just terrifies her? as it is, she doesnt cry when I put her down, but her eyes well up as she says good night, she misses me.
what is the answer?
belle, when you ever read this... i want you to know, i am doing the best i can, and what i think is the best for yuo. i want you to be healthy and happy and well adjusted. and i am so afraid if you dont get good sleep, that that will impede all three of those wants I have for you.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sleep
we are having a difficult time.
no, in fact, I need to be thankful for where we have gotten to in such a short period of time, since mid July, we have been working on a new sleep routine for Belle, and low and behold, i can put her down for a nap and for bedtime and she puts her self to sleep without crying. I need to rejoice in this! praise her for this!
instead, I am complaining and worrying becuase she is waking up at 0400, 0430, 0500, 0530 and trying to climb back in bed with mama.
and today I got to thinking, how bad is that? right now, she sees me from 0400 - 1200 and then she spends the rest of the day with her tammi. and tammi puts her to bed, and so when she rouses at 0400 she sees I am here and wants to be with me.
perhaps instead of fighting this, i should give her hugs and kisses and have her come to me, and let her nurse, and then fall asleep with her in my arms.
will this cause a setback on the bed time routine?
will this help her with her separation anxiety?
will this stop once my schedule changes and I am with her for dinner and the evening ritual and bedtime routine?
i hope so..
no, in fact, I need to be thankful for where we have gotten to in such a short period of time, since mid July, we have been working on a new sleep routine for Belle, and low and behold, i can put her down for a nap and for bedtime and she puts her self to sleep without crying. I need to rejoice in this! praise her for this!
instead, I am complaining and worrying becuase she is waking up at 0400, 0430, 0500, 0530 and trying to climb back in bed with mama.
and today I got to thinking, how bad is that? right now, she sees me from 0400 - 1200 and then she spends the rest of the day with her tammi. and tammi puts her to bed, and so when she rouses at 0400 she sees I am here and wants to be with me.
perhaps instead of fighting this, i should give her hugs and kisses and have her come to me, and let her nurse, and then fall asleep with her in my arms.
will this cause a setback on the bed time routine?
will this help her with her separation anxiety?
will this stop once my schedule changes and I am with her for dinner and the evening ritual and bedtime routine?
i hope so..
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Choices
So it is earlier than 5 this morning when Belletje says to me, wake up!
And bleary eyed I look up at her and say oh no belle is too early
"pee pee mama"
oh belle, its sleepy time
but when you are potty training anytime they ask you have to take them right
so off we go to the potty.
and she does go pee pee. yay Belle
back in bed, "downstairs mama"
No belle, its too early
you have two choices,
in your own bed and mama pat pats
or in mamas bed very quiet and no nursing.
so she says "mamas bed"
a few minutes later she says, "those are mama's choices" I say yes, now shhh
she says
"not Belle's choices"
oh she is a smarty pants :)
so suffice to say, we were downstairs and nursing at 0530 cause I couldnt stop laughing at her logic.
And bleary eyed I look up at her and say oh no belle is too early
"pee pee mama"
oh belle, its sleepy time
but when you are potty training anytime they ask you have to take them right
so off we go to the potty.
and she does go pee pee. yay Belle
back in bed, "downstairs mama"
No belle, its too early
you have two choices,
in your own bed and mama pat pats
or in mamas bed very quiet and no nursing.
so she says "mamas bed"
a few minutes later she says, "those are mama's choices" I say yes, now shhh
she says
"not Belle's choices"
oh she is a smarty pants :)
so suffice to say, we were downstairs and nursing at 0530 cause I couldnt stop laughing at her logic.
Monday, July 19, 2010
My Belletje
I know that I am pms ing or msing or whatever you call it when your hormones make you crazy. but...
yesterday Belle and I had a lovely day, in fact we had a lovely weekend together, and I felt like I was doing an ok job with getting her down to sleep without the boob.
We are working on trying to get Belle to start off in her own bed and stay asleep in her own bed all night. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. mostly getting her to sleep isnt my issue (for Tammy, there isnt any problem at all, she walks up cheerfully, does her little routine, plays in bed for a bit and conks right out) but for mama...
so yesterday we had had this really quality filled day (i thought, lots of fun together and time. we went to have drinks with J and A, and Belle got all jacked up on J's apple pie and chocolate milk. and then a cookie (i guess perhaps I should have seen the problems coming), not to mention that I had a leaded cappucino at 1530 in the afternoon.
after dinner, we went upstairs and belle took her bath, i actually stayed out of the bathtub, but sat on the edge and watched her. I was all like "oh she is such a sweetie girl, look how sweet.." and saying to Tammi "i dont want her to grow up"... and she got out and brushed her teeth and got her diapers on and pyjamas, no issue. went downstairs to nurse, still no issue. that went well and i asked her, are you falling asleep "yes" so I said, ok time for bed, you and me
"pat me mama?" of course Belle. so I took her up and she went in nicely (she loves her jammies that cover her feet and legs) and we read first Paddington and then her Twinkle book,. she was in the crook of my arm and I guess that should have been my first hint that it wasnt right (normally she lays down when I read to her).
after book was over time to lay down and pat. and she twisted and turned and talked and moved and put her feet on the ground and talked, and I had to keep saying, quiet time, lay still, do you want me to keep patting you?
after about an HOUR, I was so angry I cuoldnt stand myself. I mean mad. and of course mad at myself too cause, why am i mad, of course she doesnt want to go to sleep, why would she want the day to end. but it didnt stop my being mad.
so i had a few times where i got up to leave and then she cried and cried and cried. and finally, exhausted she fell asleep. by then I was so pooped and pissed that all my plans for the evenign were shot. (which just goes to show you, that 1. you cant make plans, and 2. there isnt any point in getting angry, it doesnt help anything, and just makes me feel miserable.
which i did and still do a bit.
this mornign she then climbed into bed with me at 0500. which in and of itself actually is a good thing, as she slept through the night and only woke me up at 0500. so i probably need to get a glow in the dark clock to put on the wall, to show her and say, not time to get up yet. but i will just put that on my list.
in the meantime, I am exhuasted, snuck away to A's house to take a nap (thank you) and now am at work with a splitting headache.
i hope she falls to sleep alright tonight and stays there after I get home, cause i need to get rid of more sticky stuff on the windows,.
off to do the stuff they pay me for now.
yesterday Belle and I had a lovely day, in fact we had a lovely weekend together, and I felt like I was doing an ok job with getting her down to sleep without the boob.
We are working on trying to get Belle to start off in her own bed and stay asleep in her own bed all night. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. mostly getting her to sleep isnt my issue (for Tammy, there isnt any problem at all, she walks up cheerfully, does her little routine, plays in bed for a bit and conks right out) but for mama...
so yesterday we had had this really quality filled day (i thought, lots of fun together and time. we went to have drinks with J and A, and Belle got all jacked up on J's apple pie and chocolate milk. and then a cookie (i guess perhaps I should have seen the problems coming), not to mention that I had a leaded cappucino at 1530 in the afternoon.
after dinner, we went upstairs and belle took her bath, i actually stayed out of the bathtub, but sat on the edge and watched her. I was all like "oh she is such a sweetie girl, look how sweet.." and saying to Tammi "i dont want her to grow up"... and she got out and brushed her teeth and got her diapers on and pyjamas, no issue. went downstairs to nurse, still no issue. that went well and i asked her, are you falling asleep "yes" so I said, ok time for bed, you and me
"pat me mama?" of course Belle. so I took her up and she went in nicely (she loves her jammies that cover her feet and legs) and we read first Paddington and then her Twinkle book,. she was in the crook of my arm and I guess that should have been my first hint that it wasnt right (normally she lays down when I read to her).
after book was over time to lay down and pat. and she twisted and turned and talked and moved and put her feet on the ground and talked, and I had to keep saying, quiet time, lay still, do you want me to keep patting you?
after about an HOUR, I was so angry I cuoldnt stand myself. I mean mad. and of course mad at myself too cause, why am i mad, of course she doesnt want to go to sleep, why would she want the day to end. but it didnt stop my being mad.
so i had a few times where i got up to leave and then she cried and cried and cried. and finally, exhausted she fell asleep. by then I was so pooped and pissed that all my plans for the evenign were shot. (which just goes to show you, that 1. you cant make plans, and 2. there isnt any point in getting angry, it doesnt help anything, and just makes me feel miserable.
which i did and still do a bit.
this mornign she then climbed into bed with me at 0500. which in and of itself actually is a good thing, as she slept through the night and only woke me up at 0500. so i probably need to get a glow in the dark clock to put on the wall, to show her and say, not time to get up yet. but i will just put that on my list.
in the meantime, I am exhuasted, snuck away to A's house to take a nap (thank you) and now am at work with a splitting headache.
i hope she falls to sleep alright tonight and stays there after I get home, cause i need to get rid of more sticky stuff on the windows,.
off to do the stuff they pay me for now.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
FW: letter to my mommy
-----Original Message-----
From: au pair
Sent: Monday, July 12, 2010 7:33 PM
To: the mama
Subject:
Dear Mommy,
"I good nap. I went walk."
We found rectangles, circles, squares, triangles, and even a hexagon on the street and sidewalk pavers.
We bought more bubbles. I blew bubbles on Westerstraat and put smiles on everyones faces.
I tried something new for dinner- tofu-lentil cakes- and I loved them so much I even ate most of Tammi's!
After dinner we colored the playdoh with pretty colors.
We took O.G. for a walk in the rain. I used my yellow umbrella. Angel jumped out of the kitchen window and walked with us. Silly kitty. I sang " I'm singing in the rain, I'm singing in the rain, I'm happy, I'm happy!"
I love you, goodnight.
Belle
From: au pair
Sent: Monday, July 12, 2010 7:33 PM
To: the mama
Subject:
Dear Mommy,
"I good nap. I went walk."
We found rectangles, circles, squares, triangles, and even a hexagon on the street and sidewalk pavers.
We bought more bubbles. I blew bubbles on Westerstraat and put smiles on everyones faces.
I tried something new for dinner- tofu-lentil cakes- and I loved them so much I even ate most of Tammi's!
After dinner we colored the playdoh with pretty colors.
We took O.G. for a walk in the rain. I used my yellow umbrella. Angel jumped out of the kitchen window and walked with us. Silly kitty. I sang " I'm singing in the rain, I'm singing in the rain, I'm happy, I'm happy!"
I love you, goodnight.
Belle
FW: today, 7/14
Today I slept in my bed for my nap and I am going to sleep in my bed all night tonight.
After my nap Tammi and I took O.G. for a long walk. We saw some birds in the canal and we didn't know what kind of ducks they were. Then one of them flew away and we saw it was a seagull!
For dinner I helped Tammi make pad Thai - we saved you some. We put nuts in a bag and I got to smash them over and over. It was fun! We made 13 pieces of meat for me and you but I ate them all!
When we to O.G. for another walk I brought my little white plastic dog and dragged it behind me. I also had a big bib on backwards so it could be my backpack, like on Dora.
Good night, I love you, I'll see you in the morning.
Belle
Here I am walking my dog and taking her to the potty:
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