Choices

So it is earlier than 5 this morning when Belletje says to me, wake up!
And bleary eyed I look up at her and say oh no belle is too early
"pee pee mama"
oh belle, its sleepy time
but when you are potty training anytime they ask you have to take them right
so off we go to the potty.
and she does go pee pee. yay Belle
back in bed, "downstairs mama"

No belle, its too early
you have two choices,
in your own bed and mama pat pats
or in mamas bed very quiet and no nursing.
so she says "mamas bed"
a few minutes later she says, "those are mama's choices" I say yes, now shhh
she says
"not Belle's choices"
oh she is a smarty pants :)
so suffice to say, we were downstairs and nursing at 0530 cause I couldnt stop laughing at her logic.

My Belletje

I know that I am pms ing or msing or whatever you call it when your hormones make you crazy. but...

yesterday Belle and I had a lovely day, in fact we had a lovely weekend together, and I felt like I was doing an ok job with getting her down to sleep without the boob.

We are working on trying to get Belle to start off in her own bed and stay asleep in her own bed all night. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. mostly getting her to sleep isnt my issue (for Tammy, there isnt any problem at all, she walks up cheerfully, does her little routine, plays in bed for a bit and conks right out) but for mama...

so yesterday we had had this really quality filled day (i thought, lots of fun together and time. we went to have drinks with J and A, and Belle got all jacked up on J's apple pie and chocolate milk. and then a cookie (i guess perhaps I should have seen the problems coming), not to mention that I had a leaded cappucino at 1530 in the afternoon.

after dinner, we went upstairs and belle took her bath, i actually stayed out of the bathtub, but sat on the edge and watched her. I was all like "oh she is such a sweetie girl, look how sweet.." and saying to Tammi "i dont want her to grow up"... and she got out and brushed her teeth and got her diapers on and pyjamas, no issue. went downstairs to nurse, still no issue. that went well and i asked her, are you falling asleep "yes" so I said, ok time for bed, you and me

"pat me mama?" of course Belle. so I took her up and she went in nicely (she loves her jammies that cover her feet and legs) and we read first Paddington and then her Twinkle book,. she was in the crook of my arm and I guess that should have been my first hint that it wasnt right (normally she lays down when I read to her).

after book was over time to lay down and pat. and she twisted and turned and talked and moved and put her feet on the ground and talked, and I had to keep saying, quiet time, lay still, do you want me to keep patting you?

after about an HOUR, I was so angry I cuoldnt stand myself. I mean mad. and of course mad at myself too cause, why am i mad, of course she doesnt want to go to sleep, why would she want the day to end. but it didnt stop my being mad.

so i had a few times where i got up to leave and then she cried and cried and cried. and finally, exhausted she fell asleep. by then I was so pooped and pissed that all my plans for the evenign were shot. (which just goes to show you, that 1. you cant make plans, and 2. there isnt any point in getting angry, it doesnt help anything, and just makes me feel miserable.

which i did and still do a bit.

this mornign she then climbed into bed with me at 0500. which in and of itself actually is a good thing, as she slept through the night and only woke me up at 0500. so i probably need to get a glow in the dark clock to put on the wall, to show her and say, not time to get up yet. but i will just put that on my list.

in the meantime, I am exhuasted, snuck away to A's house to take a nap (thank you) and now am at work with a splitting headache.

i hope she falls to sleep alright tonight and stays there after I get home, cause i need to get rid of more sticky stuff on the windows,.

off to do the stuff they pay me for now.

FW: letter to my mommy

-----Original Message-----
From: au pair
Sent: Monday, July 12, 2010 7:33 PM
To: the mama
Subject:
Dear Mommy,
"I good nap. I went walk."
We found rectangles, circles, squares, triangles, and even a hexagon on the street and sidewalk pavers.
We bought more bubbles. I blew bubbles on Westerstraat and put smiles on everyones faces.
I tried something new for dinner- tofu-lentil cakes- and I loved them so much I even ate most of Tammi's!
After dinner we colored the playdoh with pretty colors.
We took O.G. for a walk in the rain. I used my yellow umbrella. Angel jumped out of the kitchen window and walked with us. Silly kitty. I sang " I'm singing in the rain, I'm singing in the rain, I'm happy, I'm happy!"
I love you, goodnight.
Belle

FW: today, 7/14

Dear Mommy,
Today I slept in my bed for my nap and I am going to sleep in my bed all night tonight.
After my nap Tammi and I took O.G. for a long walk. We saw some birds in the canal and we didn't know what kind of ducks they were. Then one of them flew away and we saw it was a seagull!
For dinner I helped Tammi make pad Thai - we saved you some. We put nuts in a bag and I got to smash them over and over. It was fun! We made 13 pieces of meat for me and you but I ate them all!
When we to O.G. for another walk I brought my little white plastic dog and dragged it behind me. I also had a big bib on backwards so it could be my backpack, like on Dora.
Good night, I love you, I'll see you in the morning.
Belle
Here I am walking my dog and taking her to the potty:

Was sent when we were still in the US of A