I have been remiss. I have missed the opportunity to write down so many things that Belle has done or said, of things I have thought or wanted to remember or for her to remember.
Belle is having a hard time right now, she misses me. I am doing this by myself, and I am doing the best I can, and she misses me when I go to work. She is finally able to put her self to sleep for her naps and her bedtime, without nursing and without me laying beside her, whcih is an amazing accomplishment. But she misses me.
one of the reasons that i chose to co-sleep and i chose to nurse her has she got older, was because I do know that the hours I have to be away from her have an effect, and I wanted to keep our bond as close as possible in the hours we do have together. However, it was getting to the point that we were waking each other up too often in the night, that neither of us were getting a good night sleep, and it didnt appear as if these nights were leading to her being energized from lots of mama time, but more like, the neediness for mama was increased. that and the fact that I have a difficult time to get everything done in my life when I am going to bed with her at 2000. Did I make a mistake? what am I doing with the extra time? I do know that I dont appear to have the morning hours anymore. as she inevitably wakes up before me and wants to start nursing much earlier than before. are those hours in the evening worth this? And what am I doing with them? working?
I certainly dont want to go back to the time and place where she cant go to sleep without me and without nursing to sleep. but i wonder if i wasnt a bit healthier to go tosleep with her and then wake up extra early for some alone time, rather than doing it in the evening.
and how about co-sleeping? how is it that we cant seem to do that without waking each other up. I know now, she wakes up and wants me to pat her in her bed and that if she wakes up and i dont have my hands on her, then she really wakes up. would it be better if when i come to bed, i took her into bed with me? or if when she wakes up the first time, i took her into bed with me? Or, if i put her down in my bed to start with? She isnt ready it appears to sleep alone, others are saying, give her her own room. but what if that just terrifies her? as it is, she doesnt cry when I put her down, but her eyes well up as she says good night, she misses me.
what is the answer?
belle, when you ever read this... i want you to know, i am doing the best i can, and what i think is the best for yuo. i want you to be healthy and happy and well adjusted. and i am so afraid if you dont get good sleep, that that will impede all three of those wants I have for you.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sleep
we are having a difficult time.
no, in fact, I need to be thankful for where we have gotten to in such a short period of time, since mid July, we have been working on a new sleep routine for Belle, and low and behold, i can put her down for a nap and for bedtime and she puts her self to sleep without crying. I need to rejoice in this! praise her for this!
instead, I am complaining and worrying becuase she is waking up at 0400, 0430, 0500, 0530 and trying to climb back in bed with mama.
and today I got to thinking, how bad is that? right now, she sees me from 0400 - 1200 and then she spends the rest of the day with her tammi. and tammi puts her to bed, and so when she rouses at 0400 she sees I am here and wants to be with me.
perhaps instead of fighting this, i should give her hugs and kisses and have her come to me, and let her nurse, and then fall asleep with her in my arms.
will this cause a setback on the bed time routine?
will this help her with her separation anxiety?
will this stop once my schedule changes and I am with her for dinner and the evening ritual and bedtime routine?
i hope so..
no, in fact, I need to be thankful for where we have gotten to in such a short period of time, since mid July, we have been working on a new sleep routine for Belle, and low and behold, i can put her down for a nap and for bedtime and she puts her self to sleep without crying. I need to rejoice in this! praise her for this!
instead, I am complaining and worrying becuase she is waking up at 0400, 0430, 0500, 0530 and trying to climb back in bed with mama.
and today I got to thinking, how bad is that? right now, she sees me from 0400 - 1200 and then she spends the rest of the day with her tammi. and tammi puts her to bed, and so when she rouses at 0400 she sees I am here and wants to be with me.
perhaps instead of fighting this, i should give her hugs and kisses and have her come to me, and let her nurse, and then fall asleep with her in my arms.
will this cause a setback on the bed time routine?
will this help her with her separation anxiety?
will this stop once my schedule changes and I am with her for dinner and the evening ritual and bedtime routine?
i hope so..
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Choices
So it is earlier than 5 this morning when Belletje says to me, wake up!
And bleary eyed I look up at her and say oh no belle is too early
"pee pee mama"
oh belle, its sleepy time
but when you are potty training anytime they ask you have to take them right
so off we go to the potty.
and she does go pee pee. yay Belle
back in bed, "downstairs mama"
No belle, its too early
you have two choices,
in your own bed and mama pat pats
or in mamas bed very quiet and no nursing.
so she says "mamas bed"
a few minutes later she says, "those are mama's choices" I say yes, now shhh
she says
"not Belle's choices"
oh she is a smarty pants :)
so suffice to say, we were downstairs and nursing at 0530 cause I couldnt stop laughing at her logic.
And bleary eyed I look up at her and say oh no belle is too early
"pee pee mama"
oh belle, its sleepy time
but when you are potty training anytime they ask you have to take them right
so off we go to the potty.
and she does go pee pee. yay Belle
back in bed, "downstairs mama"
No belle, its too early
you have two choices,
in your own bed and mama pat pats
or in mamas bed very quiet and no nursing.
so she says "mamas bed"
a few minutes later she says, "those are mama's choices" I say yes, now shhh
she says
"not Belle's choices"
oh she is a smarty pants :)
so suffice to say, we were downstairs and nursing at 0530 cause I couldnt stop laughing at her logic.
Monday, July 19, 2010
My Belletje
I know that I am pms ing or msing or whatever you call it when your hormones make you crazy. but...
yesterday Belle and I had a lovely day, in fact we had a lovely weekend together, and I felt like I was doing an ok job with getting her down to sleep without the boob.
We are working on trying to get Belle to start off in her own bed and stay asleep in her own bed all night. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. mostly getting her to sleep isnt my issue (for Tammy, there isnt any problem at all, she walks up cheerfully, does her little routine, plays in bed for a bit and conks right out) but for mama...
so yesterday we had had this really quality filled day (i thought, lots of fun together and time. we went to have drinks with J and A, and Belle got all jacked up on J's apple pie and chocolate milk. and then a cookie (i guess perhaps I should have seen the problems coming), not to mention that I had a leaded cappucino at 1530 in the afternoon.
after dinner, we went upstairs and belle took her bath, i actually stayed out of the bathtub, but sat on the edge and watched her. I was all like "oh she is such a sweetie girl, look how sweet.." and saying to Tammi "i dont want her to grow up"... and she got out and brushed her teeth and got her diapers on and pyjamas, no issue. went downstairs to nurse, still no issue. that went well and i asked her, are you falling asleep "yes" so I said, ok time for bed, you and me
"pat me mama?" of course Belle. so I took her up and she went in nicely (she loves her jammies that cover her feet and legs) and we read first Paddington and then her Twinkle book,. she was in the crook of my arm and I guess that should have been my first hint that it wasnt right (normally she lays down when I read to her).
after book was over time to lay down and pat. and she twisted and turned and talked and moved and put her feet on the ground and talked, and I had to keep saying, quiet time, lay still, do you want me to keep patting you?
after about an HOUR, I was so angry I cuoldnt stand myself. I mean mad. and of course mad at myself too cause, why am i mad, of course she doesnt want to go to sleep, why would she want the day to end. but it didnt stop my being mad.
so i had a few times where i got up to leave and then she cried and cried and cried. and finally, exhausted she fell asleep. by then I was so pooped and pissed that all my plans for the evenign were shot. (which just goes to show you, that 1. you cant make plans, and 2. there isnt any point in getting angry, it doesnt help anything, and just makes me feel miserable.
which i did and still do a bit.
this mornign she then climbed into bed with me at 0500. which in and of itself actually is a good thing, as she slept through the night and only woke me up at 0500. so i probably need to get a glow in the dark clock to put on the wall, to show her and say, not time to get up yet. but i will just put that on my list.
in the meantime, I am exhuasted, snuck away to A's house to take a nap (thank you) and now am at work with a splitting headache.
i hope she falls to sleep alright tonight and stays there after I get home, cause i need to get rid of more sticky stuff on the windows,.
off to do the stuff they pay me for now.
yesterday Belle and I had a lovely day, in fact we had a lovely weekend together, and I felt like I was doing an ok job with getting her down to sleep without the boob.
We are working on trying to get Belle to start off in her own bed and stay asleep in her own bed all night. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. mostly getting her to sleep isnt my issue (for Tammy, there isnt any problem at all, she walks up cheerfully, does her little routine, plays in bed for a bit and conks right out) but for mama...
so yesterday we had had this really quality filled day (i thought, lots of fun together and time. we went to have drinks with J and A, and Belle got all jacked up on J's apple pie and chocolate milk. and then a cookie (i guess perhaps I should have seen the problems coming), not to mention that I had a leaded cappucino at 1530 in the afternoon.
after dinner, we went upstairs and belle took her bath, i actually stayed out of the bathtub, but sat on the edge and watched her. I was all like "oh she is such a sweetie girl, look how sweet.." and saying to Tammi "i dont want her to grow up"... and she got out and brushed her teeth and got her diapers on and pyjamas, no issue. went downstairs to nurse, still no issue. that went well and i asked her, are you falling asleep "yes" so I said, ok time for bed, you and me
"pat me mama?" of course Belle. so I took her up and she went in nicely (she loves her jammies that cover her feet and legs) and we read first Paddington and then her Twinkle book,. she was in the crook of my arm and I guess that should have been my first hint that it wasnt right (normally she lays down when I read to her).
after book was over time to lay down and pat. and she twisted and turned and talked and moved and put her feet on the ground and talked, and I had to keep saying, quiet time, lay still, do you want me to keep patting you?
after about an HOUR, I was so angry I cuoldnt stand myself. I mean mad. and of course mad at myself too cause, why am i mad, of course she doesnt want to go to sleep, why would she want the day to end. but it didnt stop my being mad.
so i had a few times where i got up to leave and then she cried and cried and cried. and finally, exhausted she fell asleep. by then I was so pooped and pissed that all my plans for the evenign were shot. (which just goes to show you, that 1. you cant make plans, and 2. there isnt any point in getting angry, it doesnt help anything, and just makes me feel miserable.
which i did and still do a bit.
this mornign she then climbed into bed with me at 0500. which in and of itself actually is a good thing, as she slept through the night and only woke me up at 0500. so i probably need to get a glow in the dark clock to put on the wall, to show her and say, not time to get up yet. but i will just put that on my list.
in the meantime, I am exhuasted, snuck away to A's house to take a nap (thank you) and now am at work with a splitting headache.
i hope she falls to sleep alright tonight and stays there after I get home, cause i need to get rid of more sticky stuff on the windows,.
off to do the stuff they pay me for now.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
FW: letter to my mommy
-----Original Message-----
From: au pair
Sent: Monday, July 12, 2010 7:33 PM
To: the mama
Subject:
Dear Mommy,
"I good nap. I went walk."
We found rectangles, circles, squares, triangles, and even a hexagon on the street and sidewalk pavers.
We bought more bubbles. I blew bubbles on Westerstraat and put smiles on everyones faces.
I tried something new for dinner- tofu-lentil cakes- and I loved them so much I even ate most of Tammi's!
After dinner we colored the playdoh with pretty colors.
We took O.G. for a walk in the rain. I used my yellow umbrella. Angel jumped out of the kitchen window and walked with us. Silly kitty. I sang " I'm singing in the rain, I'm singing in the rain, I'm happy, I'm happy!"
I love you, goodnight.
Belle
From: au pair
Sent: Monday, July 12, 2010 7:33 PM
To: the mama
Subject:
Dear Mommy,
"I good nap. I went walk."
We found rectangles, circles, squares, triangles, and even a hexagon on the street and sidewalk pavers.
We bought more bubbles. I blew bubbles on Westerstraat and put smiles on everyones faces.
I tried something new for dinner- tofu-lentil cakes- and I loved them so much I even ate most of Tammi's!
After dinner we colored the playdoh with pretty colors.
We took O.G. for a walk in the rain. I used my yellow umbrella. Angel jumped out of the kitchen window and walked with us. Silly kitty. I sang " I'm singing in the rain, I'm singing in the rain, I'm happy, I'm happy!"
I love you, goodnight.
Belle
FW: today, 7/14
Today I slept in my bed for my nap and I am going to sleep in my bed all night tonight.
After my nap Tammi and I took O.G. for a long walk. We saw some birds in the canal and we didn't know what kind of ducks they were. Then one of them flew away and we saw it was a seagull!
For dinner I helped Tammi make pad Thai - we saved you some. We put nuts in a bag and I got to smash them over and over. It was fun! We made 13 pieces of meat for me and you but I ate them all!
When we to O.G. for another walk I brought my little white plastic dog and dragged it behind me. I also had a big bib on backwards so it could be my backpack, like on Dora.
Good night, I love you, I'll see you in the morning.
Belle
Here I am walking my dog and taking her to the potty:
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Update on Boo in Florida
Belle and I are tired and tired of transitions, but overall doing well. We have been in Florida for a week today, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday we went to Disney. Wow! I totally don’t remember how exhausting and busy that place is. But Belle loved it. She got to hug her Pooh and Tigger and Eeyore. And we went to It’s a small world, and did Peter Pan’s Flight. We went to the animal kingdom, which is actually quite mellow in comparison to the rest. But she fell asleep in mama’s arms on the train ride back from the affection station (petting zoo). So we left at midday.
Her relationship with her Opa and Oma is amazing. She is so empathetic and loving with everyone, and so happy and playful most of the time. Yesterday for the 3rd time in this week, she disappeared for abit. I said, she has gone to make a poo. And sure enough she came back with a naked butt, saying Oma come… She had started to poo in her pullup, but went to the toilet by herself, got her seat out and her stool and took her diaper off climbed up to finish her poo in the potty. Then wanted us to come see it.
Last night, we went to the pool, and she didn’t want her puffy arms on, so we went in without them. And she is trying so hard to swim really swim… amazing. I hope that they let her in the pools on the boat, as I have just read that no diapers or swim diapered children allowed in any pool. I am sure I can figure something out, I have already checked, and our first stop in the Azores, has a salt water pool by the marina, so we will go there right away (even if she can swim on board).
Just thought I would give a litte update. Sorry it seems so braggy, isnt my intention, but I am proud of my little Boo.
Her relationship with her Opa and Oma is amazing. She is so empathetic and loving with everyone, and so happy and playful most of the time. Yesterday for the 3rd time in this week, she disappeared for abit. I said, she has gone to make a poo. And sure enough she came back with a naked butt, saying Oma come… She had started to poo in her pullup, but went to the toilet by herself, got her seat out and her stool and took her diaper off climbed up to finish her poo in the potty. Then wanted us to come see it.
Last night, we went to the pool, and she didn’t want her puffy arms on, so we went in without them. And she is trying so hard to swim really swim… amazing. I hope that they let her in the pools on the boat, as I have just read that no diapers or swim diapered children allowed in any pool. I am sure I can figure something out, I have already checked, and our first stop in the Azores, has a salt water pool by the marina, so we will go there right away (even if she can swim on board).
Just thought I would give a litte update. Sorry it seems so braggy, isnt my intention, but I am proud of my little Boo.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Moving
In 6 very short days, Belle and I will embark on another adventure. Moving back to Enkhuizen after 7 wonderful months here in the US of A. Bittersweet to say the least. We will miss our David and our wonderful times at Elmos and the Farmers market. We will miss Sara and the Omas and Opa. Mama will miss her wonderful colleagues in NC and that beautiful environment at Keystone that I treasured. Belle will miss The Enrichment Center, wow what a wonderful preschool.daycare.nurturing environment.
But we get to take a cruise back. and we get to bring Tammi with us! and have 14 nights of wonderment on the way home. we will get to be with Ageeth and Jaap and the boys again. We will get to experience a new school with an old new language. Mama will reconnect with the simplicity of life in a small town. perhaps Mama will reconnect with Jacq and the girls. and maybe with my newfound peace, will meet some more potential friends.
we have the summer to enjoy and transition, and then Stephanie should be joining us and Tammi going back home. I hope that goes well.
I am sad and hopeful.
But we get to take a cruise back. and we get to bring Tammi with us! and have 14 nights of wonderment on the way home. we will get to be with Ageeth and Jaap and the boys again. We will get to experience a new school with an old new language. Mama will reconnect with the simplicity of life in a small town. perhaps Mama will reconnect with Jacq and the girls. and maybe with my newfound peace, will meet some more potential friends.
we have the summer to enjoy and transition, and then Stephanie should be joining us and Tammi going back home. I hope that goes well.
I am sad and hopeful.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Relocation Plans
We have found a nanny/mother’s helper to come back to NL with us and stay for the summer. Her name is Tammi, and she is about our age. She has 3 grown children, and a husband (who is quite understanding and supportive I must say). Tammi is an artist, a teacher, and a professional nanny and doula. She is taking this position because she loves children and wants the adventure of it as well. We are very lucky to have found her. You can read a bit about her here:
http://www.seebeautywith.me/SeeBeautyWith.Me/Hi.html
The only unfortunate thing, is that she will only be with us for the summer. So we are already advertising for a full time au pair for the year. Take one step at a time and everything will fall into place.
Belle has been thriving in her school. So much so, that I am very concerned about what will happen when she wont have that environment back in Enkhuizen. That said, we have enrolled Belle in the Montesorri program in Enkhuizen, and I have been in conversations with the director about what is possible and advisable. Based on the advice, Belle will begin with 2 mornings per week and transition to 5 mornings per week and perhaps one afternoon (since Belle still naps from 1230-1500, this is superfluous until/unless she moves to a shorter nap or no nap, but we aren’t pushing that, as naps are important). This is another reason why we are doing a mother’s helper, as with my job, I cant (as much as I would like to) be there to bring her and pick her up every day for these half day sessions.
So. Our plans.
7 May will be my last day at work in SBI (USRE) here in NC. Unfortunately, our last day in our apartment is 30-April. So we will be packing from now until then, getting some stuff shipped back to NL (the winter things) and then some more stuff shipped back to NL (so we are left with just what we need to travel back) and storing some things with our very good friend David, and giving some things away (that she has outgrown or will outgrow before we are back in the USA). My parents are coming to be with us the last week in April, and although it wasn’t the plan for them to help us move, it is thankfully good timing. At the same time, I am hosting and planning a meeting for about 60 persons for work. So it will be a busy time. the next week is no better, since we have another meeting and then culminating in a big day at work that our group will be hosting. Somehow, I will get it done.
So from 30-April until 12 or 13 May, Belle and I will be staying with David (thank you David) and trying not to spread our stuff around his house (so we can be sure we have everything when it is time to go).
On 12 or 13 May we will fly to Florida to be with Opa and Oma for some last days. And then… they will bring us to MIAMI where we will embark on a 14 day cruise to Barcelona. We are bringing Tammi with us on the cruise, in hopes to use this time as the real bonding and transition for her and Belle. This will be our summer vacation and hopefully a relaxing way to get us back to Europe.
We land in Barcelona on 3 June and will spend at least one night in town (perhaps two) before we fly to Amsterdam. So we shoud be arriving in AMS either 4 or 5 June and will be back home that day.
Work starts up again for me either 10 or 11 June, depending on how we are doing with Belle and her transition into her school and with Tammi.
Whew! It makes me tired just writing it. but I am sure it will be a lovely transition and experience.
http://www.seebeautywith.me/SeeBeautyWith.Me/Hi.html
The only unfortunate thing, is that she will only be with us for the summer. So we are already advertising for a full time au pair for the year. Take one step at a time and everything will fall into place.
Belle has been thriving in her school. So much so, that I am very concerned about what will happen when she wont have that environment back in Enkhuizen. That said, we have enrolled Belle in the Montesorri program in Enkhuizen, and I have been in conversations with the director about what is possible and advisable. Based on the advice, Belle will begin with 2 mornings per week and transition to 5 mornings per week and perhaps one afternoon (since Belle still naps from 1230-1500, this is superfluous until/unless she moves to a shorter nap or no nap, but we aren’t pushing that, as naps are important). This is another reason why we are doing a mother’s helper, as with my job, I cant (as much as I would like to) be there to bring her and pick her up every day for these half day sessions.
So. Our plans.
7 May will be my last day at work in SBI (USRE) here in NC. Unfortunately, our last day in our apartment is 30-April. So we will be packing from now until then, getting some stuff shipped back to NL (the winter things) and then some more stuff shipped back to NL (so we are left with just what we need to travel back) and storing some things with our very good friend David, and giving some things away (that she has outgrown or will outgrow before we are back in the USA). My parents are coming to be with us the last week in April, and although it wasn’t the plan for them to help us move, it is thankfully good timing. At the same time, I am hosting and planning a meeting for about 60 persons for work. So it will be a busy time. the next week is no better, since we have another meeting and then culminating in a big day at work that our group will be hosting. Somehow, I will get it done.
So from 30-April until 12 or 13 May, Belle and I will be staying with David (thank you David) and trying not to spread our stuff around his house (so we can be sure we have everything when it is time to go).
On 12 or 13 May we will fly to Florida to be with Opa and Oma for some last days. And then… they will bring us to MIAMI where we will embark on a 14 day cruise to Barcelona. We are bringing Tammi with us on the cruise, in hopes to use this time as the real bonding and transition for her and Belle. This will be our summer vacation and hopefully a relaxing way to get us back to Europe.
We land in Barcelona on 3 June and will spend at least one night in town (perhaps two) before we fly to Amsterdam. So we shoud be arriving in AMS either 4 or 5 June and will be back home that day.
Work starts up again for me either 10 or 11 June, depending on how we are doing with Belle and her transition into her school and with Tammi.
Whew! It makes me tired just writing it. but I am sure it will be a lovely transition and experience.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Belle is with a babysitter
Ok. I know i have a sad sad life, but I have found a babysitter for Belle, and she is with B right now at the house. It is 8pm on a Tuesday, and although I called her so I could do a business dinner, I am taking advantage of the time alone and am up at a coffeehouse on the corner with my computer and just me.
And I feel guilty and nervous. I hope she can get her to go to bed. I hope that Belle doesnt scream and cry for mama. I hope she falls asleep. I also organized her for next week Monday when I will go out and play with a colleague from work.
Belle is tired today as is mama. cause we woke up at 0500 and while normally B will fall back asleep as I get up to start my morning, this morning she didnt so she is ultra tired. it also doesnt help that I couldnt sleep last night, so we were both awake often as i tossed and turned.
and yes I know. I need to move her to her own bed. but here we are in this apartment here in NC, and there is no "her own bed" to be had. She has her littel day bed in our room in NL. so hopefully she will get used to napping there with our new nanny Tammi. and then slowly i can get her to go to bed there as well.
Not that I want her out of my bed. cause i dont. but I am worried that she doesnt sleep as well because she is with me. and not getting good sleep isnt healthy. if it wasnt for that. we coudl co sleep til she decided it was enough. :O
i am exhausted, which means taking advantage of this time is actualy hard for me. cause i want to also be in bed at 8pm and instead will be heading back around 930 or so.
different things in the works now. have to start the packing process to get back. and this is sad and stressful all at once.
plus work is weird right now. lots going on, and my job is morphing into something but i dont know what. and there is a territorial pissing contest happening and i feel stuck in the middle.
ok off to do something else with this computer and my time.
And I feel guilty and nervous. I hope she can get her to go to bed. I hope that Belle doesnt scream and cry for mama. I hope she falls asleep. I also organized her for next week Monday when I will go out and play with a colleague from work.
Belle is tired today as is mama. cause we woke up at 0500 and while normally B will fall back asleep as I get up to start my morning, this morning she didnt so she is ultra tired. it also doesnt help that I couldnt sleep last night, so we were both awake often as i tossed and turned.
and yes I know. I need to move her to her own bed. but here we are in this apartment here in NC, and there is no "her own bed" to be had. She has her littel day bed in our room in NL. so hopefully she will get used to napping there with our new nanny Tammi. and then slowly i can get her to go to bed there as well.
Not that I want her out of my bed. cause i dont. but I am worried that she doesnt sleep as well because she is with me. and not getting good sleep isnt healthy. if it wasnt for that. we coudl co sleep til she decided it was enough. :O
i am exhausted, which means taking advantage of this time is actualy hard for me. cause i want to also be in bed at 8pm and instead will be heading back around 930 or so.
different things in the works now. have to start the packing process to get back. and this is sad and stressful all at once.
plus work is weird right now. lots going on, and my job is morphing into something but i dont know what. and there is a territorial pissing contest happening and i feel stuck in the middle.
ok off to do something else with this computer and my time.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Our spring weekend
What a wonderful first day of spring yesterday was. Such gorgeous weather and a lovely agenda. we didnt spend the night with "day day" which we are accustomed to, but instead made plans to meet up with him in the am.
Day day had put together the radio flyer tricycle that we got for Belle, and he put it in the truck and brought it over. so we actually walked up to Elmos for our breakfast and she rode her trike. She was happy as a clam. It was cool and hot at the same time and a good time was had by all... until of course... my mom called and my buttons pushed even tho I promised myself I wouldnt... i have to do something about this, because it isnt healthy for me and certainly not for miss B.
mom and john met up with us at Elmos and the breakfast was mostly uneventful. miss B grew tired of it after a while and mom wanted her to open presents. she picked up a nerf ball and that was it. so we took her outside to play and payed the bill and took off.
we walked up to the farmer's market, and I think that B and I had the most fun. the rest of the gang seemes intent on leaving and getting on with it, which is just unfortunate. as this isnt fair to B and in fact anyone else. cause the journey is the experience. but to be fair day day had lots to do yesterday and John of course probably lives in that world as my dad does.
when we got back to the apartment, we sat outside enjoying the weather for a bit. but B wanted to nurse and so I took her inside for a nap. perfect timeing she was asleep in minutes, and at 1500 mom came in with a lovely wake up call, which worked wonders for us both.
belle was havign the best time and it gave mom and me the opportunity to slip out to do a bit of grocery shopping, and i was even able to sneak in a load of laundry ... amazing what a little distraction can do.
dinner was very late, we didnt sit down to eat until 730 or so, so the b was pooped and ended up walking into the house on her own and sitting in her bean bag to watch backyardigans... she is so cute and grown up and just wonderful.
I know she feels so much more secure when mommy is with other adults that she loves and this is why she feels ok to wander off and do her own thing.
the downside to being a single parent is, that when it is just me and her, I think she feels the need to be on my side always. cause there isnt another adult around if i walk out or somewhere... her mood and behavior are evidence of this.
mom and john will go back to clt today. and i am a bit sad, cause this is probably the last time or close to it, that we will be with mom until maybe late 2011. who knows, but i have no plans to come back stateside and i cant count on anyone doing the trip over. nice that we get to be together some. i just wish mom had taken a bit mroe opportunity to come over for the months we have been here.
in two weeks we are off to my sisters for easter, and that should be lovely. we didnt invite mom and john, cause of the yuckyness that john has been doing with Sara. mom now knows we are together at easter, i am sure she wonders why we are excluding her, but it isnt my story to tell.
this week should be tough, cause i have to push off all other meetings to do a face to face on tue-wed that i am not prepared for. however, if it goes the way the last one did, it shoudl be quite productive.
i hope to gather some of tammi's time this coming weekend, so i can do a first packing job for sending stuff home. as I want to have as few bags on our long trip as possible.
another time i will write about the situation with the house repairs, as i dont want to work myself up right now.
at 0739 belle still sleeps, lovely
Day day had put together the radio flyer tricycle that we got for Belle, and he put it in the truck and brought it over. so we actually walked up to Elmos for our breakfast and she rode her trike. She was happy as a clam. It was cool and hot at the same time and a good time was had by all... until of course... my mom called and my buttons pushed even tho I promised myself I wouldnt... i have to do something about this, because it isnt healthy for me and certainly not for miss B.
mom and john met up with us at Elmos and the breakfast was mostly uneventful. miss B grew tired of it after a while and mom wanted her to open presents. she picked up a nerf ball and that was it. so we took her outside to play and payed the bill and took off.
we walked up to the farmer's market, and I think that B and I had the most fun. the rest of the gang seemes intent on leaving and getting on with it, which is just unfortunate. as this isnt fair to B and in fact anyone else. cause the journey is the experience. but to be fair day day had lots to do yesterday and John of course probably lives in that world as my dad does.
when we got back to the apartment, we sat outside enjoying the weather for a bit. but B wanted to nurse and so I took her inside for a nap. perfect timeing she was asleep in minutes, and at 1500 mom came in with a lovely wake up call, which worked wonders for us both.
belle was havign the best time and it gave mom and me the opportunity to slip out to do a bit of grocery shopping, and i was even able to sneak in a load of laundry ... amazing what a little distraction can do.
dinner was very late, we didnt sit down to eat until 730 or so, so the b was pooped and ended up walking into the house on her own and sitting in her bean bag to watch backyardigans... she is so cute and grown up and just wonderful.
I know she feels so much more secure when mommy is with other adults that she loves and this is why she feels ok to wander off and do her own thing.
the downside to being a single parent is, that when it is just me and her, I think she feels the need to be on my side always. cause there isnt another adult around if i walk out or somewhere... her mood and behavior are evidence of this.
mom and john will go back to clt today. and i am a bit sad, cause this is probably the last time or close to it, that we will be with mom until maybe late 2011. who knows, but i have no plans to come back stateside and i cant count on anyone doing the trip over. nice that we get to be together some. i just wish mom had taken a bit mroe opportunity to come over for the months we have been here.
in two weeks we are off to my sisters for easter, and that should be lovely. we didnt invite mom and john, cause of the yuckyness that john has been doing with Sara. mom now knows we are together at easter, i am sure she wonders why we are excluding her, but it isnt my story to tell.
this week should be tough, cause i have to push off all other meetings to do a face to face on tue-wed that i am not prepared for. however, if it goes the way the last one did, it shoudl be quite productive.
i hope to gather some of tammi's time this coming weekend, so i can do a first packing job for sending stuff home. as I want to have as few bags on our long trip as possible.
another time i will write about the situation with the house repairs, as i dont want to work myself up right now.
at 0739 belle still sleeps, lovely
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
just do it
Yesterday I called my friend Dawn, after months of procrastinating, to go for a walk at work. and I scheduled it into my day for the rest of the time that we will be here. I also called my friend Andrew and organized to have dinner with him on Thursday and maybe Friday. Strangely enough, as I was perusing Motherlode I found a comment by another blogger (sorry that I dont have the right reference) about if you think of someone, call them, then, at that moment. I am sure this is a reference to being mindful, to be in the moment. We put things off, and as a single working mom, what I put off the most is stuff for myself. I will only be here in the states for another 6 weeks or so, and I havent done nearly the amount of re connecting as I had hoped to. What is up with that?
So this week, I have had lunch with someone that I really havent talked to since our mutual friend passed away 1 year ago tomorrow. which reminds me that I MUST call and send a card to this friends widow. which I will pause now to do...
I dont know if this is appropriate to do. But I did send a condolence card to mark the date that Mart passed away. I always think of these things, and the things I would like to do, but then somehow the days slip away and I dont do them. Silly. Cause these are the important connections, and not this meeting or that meeting at work.
I wish I could keep that in mind throughout my day.
Belle is doing well. She is blossoming into the most beautiful and happy little girl. She wants so badly to count on her little fingers and she does it, 1, 2, 5, 9, 2 :) and she tries to sing her abc's when she washes her hands. And I am not allowed to do it with her anymore.
Funny how they pick up habits like that. ANd sometimes, just doing something once becomes a habit. so i warn everyone, be careful, dont do it if you dont want to be doing it everyday.
as I am well aware since we are still nursing to go to sleep at night, and she still nurses off and on all night long.
So on my list when we return to NL, is to get her into her own bed at home. I will start with her naps (i think bringing Tammi home with us will only help this) and hopefully as the time goes by we can move this to her bedtime as well. Cause although i am perfectly fine with goign to bed at 8 adn getting up at 5. she doesnt sleep as well with me in the bed. and i want her to be healthy and happy.
so i have all grand plans to write more often. but i am practical enough to know this may not happen. so i will strive to write a little bit about our day everyday. even if it isnt witty or important.
because who judges what is important? and I already miss all those days when she was a baby. and wish I had those thoughts on paper (or digitally as the case may be) now.
news; we hopefully have found an au pair to bring home with us. her name is Tammi and she is my age. she is quite a character and I believe an old soul. I sure do hope it works out.
I will try to organize a babysitting gig for our Jen K in the next weeks. and I want to propose to tammi to do a baby sitting gig as well.
i would like to do some out on the town with some friends before I go. and as much as I love B, I know i dont get invited fro these because of her and my habit of bringing her everywhere with me :)
I need to see when miss Andrea is coming into town and organize the sitter for those evenigns... i think i will do that now
tot ziens
So this week, I have had lunch with someone that I really havent talked to since our mutual friend passed away 1 year ago tomorrow. which reminds me that I MUST call and send a card to this friends widow. which I will pause now to do...
I dont know if this is appropriate to do. But I did send a condolence card to mark the date that Mart passed away. I always think of these things, and the things I would like to do, but then somehow the days slip away and I dont do them. Silly. Cause these are the important connections, and not this meeting or that meeting at work.
I wish I could keep that in mind throughout my day.
Belle is doing well. She is blossoming into the most beautiful and happy little girl. She wants so badly to count on her little fingers and she does it, 1, 2, 5, 9, 2 :) and she tries to sing her abc's when she washes her hands. And I am not allowed to do it with her anymore.
Funny how they pick up habits like that. ANd sometimes, just doing something once becomes a habit. so i warn everyone, be careful, dont do it if you dont want to be doing it everyday.
as I am well aware since we are still nursing to go to sleep at night, and she still nurses off and on all night long.
So on my list when we return to NL, is to get her into her own bed at home. I will start with her naps (i think bringing Tammi home with us will only help this) and hopefully as the time goes by we can move this to her bedtime as well. Cause although i am perfectly fine with goign to bed at 8 adn getting up at 5. she doesnt sleep as well with me in the bed. and i want her to be healthy and happy.
so i have all grand plans to write more often. but i am practical enough to know this may not happen. so i will strive to write a little bit about our day everyday. even if it isnt witty or important.
because who judges what is important? and I already miss all those days when she was a baby. and wish I had those thoughts on paper (or digitally as the case may be) now.
news; we hopefully have found an au pair to bring home with us. her name is Tammi and she is my age. she is quite a character and I believe an old soul. I sure do hope it works out.
I will try to organize a babysitting gig for our Jen K in the next weeks. and I want to propose to tammi to do a baby sitting gig as well.
i would like to do some out on the town with some friends before I go. and as much as I love B, I know i dont get invited fro these because of her and my habit of bringing her everywhere with me :)
I need to see when miss Andrea is coming into town and organize the sitter for those evenigns... i think i will do that now
tot ziens
Monday, January 18, 2010
Wii
Whee this should be. I broke down and bought me and B a Christmas/New Year's present. The entire kit and kaboodle. Wii + Fit Plus + Balance Board
Extravagant I know, but I know how addicted I am to video games, and I am hoping that having a video game that gets me actively doing something will be the motivation I need to get moving and get healthy.
That said: I have a fitness Age of 49. A BMI of 29 (just under obese). However, B did start crying in the middle of the test and so I "took a rest" to attend her, and they dont let you test but once per day. That and 1/2 way through my workout I took a rest to breastfeed and then she got on the balance board to do the step aerobics with me. I hope that I can get her doing some of the more simple activities that dont requrie her to deal with pressing buttons at specific times, but allow her to do hula hoops or something. I have a feeling that the board doesnt see her tho.
So I want to keep track of my progress here, this too will keep me towing the line. I will say that even though I was awake before 0400 today, I had a lot of energy throughout the day. it is so hard to get up and exercise, and i forget just how much energy it really gives you.
I want to buy B a bike, not sure if I shoudl go for a push tricycle, a regular tricycle, a big wheel, or a little girls bike with training wheels. she is 2.
i am off to pick her up and go home and try some yoga before do our bedtime routine
Extravagant I know, but I know how addicted I am to video games, and I am hoping that having a video game that gets me actively doing something will be the motivation I need to get moving and get healthy.
That said: I have a fitness Age of 49. A BMI of 29 (just under obese). However, B did start crying in the middle of the test and so I "took a rest" to attend her, and they dont let you test but once per day. That and 1/2 way through my workout I took a rest to breastfeed and then she got on the balance board to do the step aerobics with me. I hope that I can get her doing some of the more simple activities that dont requrie her to deal with pressing buttons at specific times, but allow her to do hula hoops or something. I have a feeling that the board doesnt see her tho.
So I want to keep track of my progress here, this too will keep me towing the line. I will say that even though I was awake before 0400 today, I had a lot of energy throughout the day. it is so hard to get up and exercise, and i forget just how much energy it really gives you.
I want to buy B a bike, not sure if I shoudl go for a push tricycle, a regular tricycle, a big wheel, or a little girls bike with training wheels. she is 2.
i am off to pick her up and go home and try some yoga before do our bedtime routine
Friday, January 8, 2010
the other woman
I am a magnet. Even from 4000 miles away. how is it that I can be a magnet when I havent even seen this person for 3 months? How does that happen?
Women are such dummies. Take it from me girls, if you "think" there is something, or are afraid there is something, that your husband is attracted to another woman, don't tell him. Chances are great that he may have been attracted from a distance (we are all human) but had no plans to act on it, but if you put that idea into his head... or the idea that the woman might be attracted to him or "after him" guess what. You will create a self fufilling prophecy. I have been that "woman" three times now (that I am aware of. Three times, where I had no intention of pursuing anything with said husband, didnt even think of it, perhaps had a bantering light flirtation that would have gone no further. But then, the wife made the tragic mistake of saying to her hubby: She likes you, she wants you... or You want her dont you? Or, are you attracted to her? something anything, which puts it into his head, that maybe, perhaps, maybe there is something there...
Stop it.
My reaction has always been, you are being stupid. (to the husband i mean), and "i have no plans to get involved with you or any married man" whcih is the truth. BUt guess what ladies... that drives them bonkers. then they pursue me even harder... and they pull away from you, the one who gave them the idea, the one who is now nagging or acting suspicious or crying or asking "do you love me" "are you having an affair" or who are giving them the cold shoulder.
so now there is this tantalizing woman that is playing hard to get (in their minds), and their wife, who is actng more and more like hamburger every day.
Knock it off. Dont mention me again. Dont nag, dont pout, dont ask, dont follow, dont yell. Cool it, and be the woman he fell in love with, pretend to be that lively vivacious confident woman that doesnt need him. shwo him that you are steak.
I dont want these guys, I dont want the one that cheats, but for whatever reason, I collect them, like magnets. My family calls them puppies or conquests.
so ladies please dont point me out to them.
Women are such dummies. Take it from me girls, if you "think" there is something, or are afraid there is something, that your husband is attracted to another woman, don't tell him. Chances are great that he may have been attracted from a distance (we are all human) but had no plans to act on it, but if you put that idea into his head... or the idea that the woman might be attracted to him or "after him" guess what. You will create a self fufilling prophecy. I have been that "woman" three times now (that I am aware of. Three times, where I had no intention of pursuing anything with said husband, didnt even think of it, perhaps had a bantering light flirtation that would have gone no further. But then, the wife made the tragic mistake of saying to her hubby: She likes you, she wants you... or You want her dont you? Or, are you attracted to her? something anything, which puts it into his head, that maybe, perhaps, maybe there is something there...
Stop it.
My reaction has always been, you are being stupid. (to the husband i mean), and "i have no plans to get involved with you or any married man" whcih is the truth. BUt guess what ladies... that drives them bonkers. then they pursue me even harder... and they pull away from you, the one who gave them the idea, the one who is now nagging or acting suspicious or crying or asking "do you love me" "are you having an affair" or who are giving them the cold shoulder.
so now there is this tantalizing woman that is playing hard to get (in their minds), and their wife, who is actng more and more like hamburger every day.
Knock it off. Dont mention me again. Dont nag, dont pout, dont ask, dont follow, dont yell. Cool it, and be the woman he fell in love with, pretend to be that lively vivacious confident woman that doesnt need him. shwo him that you are steak.
I dont want these guys, I dont want the one that cheats, but for whatever reason, I collect them, like magnets. My family calls them puppies or conquests.
so ladies please dont point me out to them.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
2nd day back
Well this is day 2 back at work and back in NC. Belle is doing incredibly well at daycare, I dropped her off in her new class and she sat down to have nanas with the rest of the kids. Didnt even look up for a kiss from mama.
I am doing ok, but not very productive yet back at work. I am trying to change some bad behaviors, such as saying YES to everything, and geting all stressed about stuff I cant control, and procrastinating and not taking care of me in the mean time...
I fell into the trap of course today, cause one of my many bosses sent me an email asking "when..." and of course then i jumped through hoops to get IT scheduled, and of course it doesnt work for him,. so guess what. will do IT when i have scheduled it, and too bad he cant make it. But this is par for the course for me. I am in a position where in fact I make strategic decisions and plans for what needs to happen, but the actual doing should be delegated to others,... except of course i am a doer, and a lot of the time I take the action on myself... whcih is where i get myself in a problem.
so between that sort of behavior at work, and then of course taking care of my Bellinator all by myself (most of the time), which means we wake up do breakfast get dressed try to get out of the house on time (mommy tries to get bf dishes picked up and not leave too much a mess), this is a 3 hour process on a good day. then i pick her up at day care, and go through trying to get dinner on the "table" change clothes, change her clothes, relax, she wants to nurse, we should have a bath every night (yeah right...) and then into pyjamas and bed and clean up the dishes etc... With goodnight books... and I am exhausted at 2000 8pm. she of course crawls back out of bed and plays until 10pm.
and then i open my eyes at 0600 and we start all over again. How do you all do this? I have no energy...
ok I am off to get her...
I am doing ok, but not very productive yet back at work. I am trying to change some bad behaviors, such as saying YES to everything, and geting all stressed about stuff I cant control, and procrastinating and not taking care of me in the mean time...
I fell into the trap of course today, cause one of my many bosses sent me an email asking "when..." and of course then i jumped through hoops to get IT scheduled, and of course it doesnt work for him,. so guess what. will do IT when i have scheduled it, and too bad he cant make it. But this is par for the course for me. I am in a position where in fact I make strategic decisions and plans for what needs to happen, but the actual doing should be delegated to others,... except of course i am a doer, and a lot of the time I take the action on myself... whcih is where i get myself in a problem.
so between that sort of behavior at work, and then of course taking care of my Bellinator all by myself (most of the time), which means we wake up do breakfast get dressed try to get out of the house on time (mommy tries to get bf dishes picked up and not leave too much a mess), this is a 3 hour process on a good day. then i pick her up at day care, and go through trying to get dinner on the "table" change clothes, change her clothes, relax, she wants to nurse, we should have a bath every night (yeah right...) and then into pyjamas and bed and clean up the dishes etc... With goodnight books... and I am exhausted at 2000 8pm. she of course crawls back out of bed and plays until 10pm.
and then i open my eyes at 0600 and we start all over again. How do you all do this? I have no energy...
ok I am off to get her...
Saturday, January 2, 2010
New Year New Try
Well I am at it again. Perhaps i will keep it up this time, who knows. Now that Belle is a bit older and can play by herself for minutes at a time, perhaps i can find time to keep at this.
Or should I maybe use that time to sweep and mop and pick up toys? and take polaroid pictures of where everything goes so Belle can learn to pick up after herself as well. I dont suppose I can ever expect her to pick up if mama still cant do it. One thing at a time I suppose. My biggest issue is clothes, what do you do with those clothes that are not dirty, but not clean. I know some people put them back into the closet, or drawers, but is that right. so I hang and drape them, and they get crumpled and fall and end up in the laundry basket anyhow.
Belle takes after me with picking up after herself (meaning she doesnt do it). so I know that I have to change if I want her to grow up with good habits, same with food and exercise too. these are all on my todo list for this year, starting new habits...
Or should I maybe use that time to sweep and mop and pick up toys? and take polaroid pictures of where everything goes so Belle can learn to pick up after herself as well. I dont suppose I can ever expect her to pick up if mama still cant do it. One thing at a time I suppose. My biggest issue is clothes, what do you do with those clothes that are not dirty, but not clean. I know some people put them back into the closet, or drawers, but is that right. so I hang and drape them, and they get crumpled and fall and end up in the laundry basket anyhow.
Belle takes after me with picking up after herself (meaning she doesnt do it). so I know that I have to change if I want her to grow up with good habits, same with food and exercise too. these are all on my todo list for this year, starting new habits...
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