My Belletje

I know that I am pms ing or msing or whatever you call it when your hormones make you crazy. but...

yesterday Belle and I had a lovely day, in fact we had a lovely weekend together, and I felt like I was doing an ok job with getting her down to sleep without the boob.

We are working on trying to get Belle to start off in her own bed and stay asleep in her own bed all night. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. mostly getting her to sleep isnt my issue (for Tammy, there isnt any problem at all, she walks up cheerfully, does her little routine, plays in bed for a bit and conks right out) but for mama...

so yesterday we had had this really quality filled day (i thought, lots of fun together and time. we went to have drinks with J and A, and Belle got all jacked up on J's apple pie and chocolate milk. and then a cookie (i guess perhaps I should have seen the problems coming), not to mention that I had a leaded cappucino at 1530 in the afternoon.

after dinner, we went upstairs and belle took her bath, i actually stayed out of the bathtub, but sat on the edge and watched her. I was all like "oh she is such a sweetie girl, look how sweet.." and saying to Tammi "i dont want her to grow up"... and she got out and brushed her teeth and got her diapers on and pyjamas, no issue. went downstairs to nurse, still no issue. that went well and i asked her, are you falling asleep "yes" so I said, ok time for bed, you and me

"pat me mama?" of course Belle. so I took her up and she went in nicely (she loves her jammies that cover her feet and legs) and we read first Paddington and then her Twinkle book,. she was in the crook of my arm and I guess that should have been my first hint that it wasnt right (normally she lays down when I read to her).

after book was over time to lay down and pat. and she twisted and turned and talked and moved and put her feet on the ground and talked, and I had to keep saying, quiet time, lay still, do you want me to keep patting you?

after about an HOUR, I was so angry I cuoldnt stand myself. I mean mad. and of course mad at myself too cause, why am i mad, of course she doesnt want to go to sleep, why would she want the day to end. but it didnt stop my being mad.

so i had a few times where i got up to leave and then she cried and cried and cried. and finally, exhausted she fell asleep. by then I was so pooped and pissed that all my plans for the evenign were shot. (which just goes to show you, that 1. you cant make plans, and 2. there isnt any point in getting angry, it doesnt help anything, and just makes me feel miserable.

which i did and still do a bit.

this mornign she then climbed into bed with me at 0500. which in and of itself actually is a good thing, as she slept through the night and only woke me up at 0500. so i probably need to get a glow in the dark clock to put on the wall, to show her and say, not time to get up yet. but i will just put that on my list.

in the meantime, I am exhuasted, snuck away to A's house to take a nap (thank you) and now am at work with a splitting headache.

i hope she falls to sleep alright tonight and stays there after I get home, cause i need to get rid of more sticky stuff on the windows,.

off to do the stuff they pay me for now.